it's been three weeks. I was so sure that this wkend he would contact me. As the weekend comes to an end and still no sigh... he is done with all his exams. I don't know what to think. I don't want to think.

I know I am stubborn, and in a large part this is my fault. But I want to be the person that makes it worth it for him to still love me if it's my fault. I want to be someone who is worth it for him to phone me back after I have hung up. his promise... before I left I hope he remembers.

I know I should be the one to resolve this... but I just want to see whether I am worth the hardships for him. It's easy when we are together, we love each other and being near each other we are so much more in touch. But sometimes just love is not enough... it doesn't just happen. Now i've learned that love is not a safety chain that holds us together. It takes work, a lot of work. I just want him to talk to me. I don't know what else to say without him thinking that I'm blaming his. He doesn't defend himself, else just try to end the "argument" by him passiveness. As long as we keep communicating we'll be fine, even if he yells at me, blames me, gets mad at me. At least this way I know what he's thinking, what he wants and don't want. I miss him it's true, and all the past times I've given in because I missed him so much. The backfire is my desire to end all the horrible feelings, I hate to argue and fight, but this only results in nothing getting solved. Things are simply discarded as a trade off for peace. This time I want us to untie the knots about our feelings, what we want, our direction. I have manifested my complaint in a bad way, but I hope we make it right from here.

Nadir. I love you. I want this to work, but I don't know what else to do without repeating the past. This is my first serious relationship and it's precious to me. If it wasn't I would just run away, it would have ended on valentines day.

You and I both. lets hold hands.
I want you to do all the things I missed. Like smelling my hair and telling me it smells good. I know that's not possible now, but I want to make it so our situation would be plausible enough for me to imagine that.

PS I bought generic brand everything to save money... but I continued using Herbal Essence Shampoo cuz I like it who you smelled it... when you ran your fingers through it and how your hair smelled after you used it.